Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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