He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Blood and glitter go together right?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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