is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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