I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
