just tell him i said nine months
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
