if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just cut my nipple shaving
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
