brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
