You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
