I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
