I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize