She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
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after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
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fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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