cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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