Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
