When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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