K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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