Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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