It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
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I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
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I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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