My nipple is on Facebook.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
