There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
