So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
