she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
