addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
