i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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