Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
