i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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