My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
