she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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