It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
