Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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