I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
