found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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