i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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