Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
