I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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