just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
