I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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