I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
