I bet he comes in French.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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