I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
