my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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