She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
