Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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