We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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