We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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