there's paper in my vomit.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
