I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
