I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
