and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
