Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we made out on top of his cat.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this just has baby written all over it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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