She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
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Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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