I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
