pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
