remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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