I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
