I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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