so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
