Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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