he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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