I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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