is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
