god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
