We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
