This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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