Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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